Bond between Myself and My Daughter
I am the working mom, confident, independent, aware of what’s happening around and as much as possible I tuned myself to be as a good friend for my daughter. My daughter was studying 11th Class. I guessed that she was in a Serious Love Relationship with some stranger. I thought of giving her some advice and gone for a dinner with her, I was trying to console my daughter regarding her mistake. She was giving different examples and continuously asking me to believe and listen to her. She was not convinced with whatever I said; even she is not ready to hear my words.
At one point of the discussion, She asked me to stop it, She add that I won’t understand whatever she want, I won’t fit in for her and I am not the answer for her questions and problems. She left home by taking her bike by leaving me alone in the restaurant. The shock given by my daughter didn’t left from my face on that entire night. She doesn’t even need me for the emotional support and motherly care. Now, she feels that ‘I am not needed ‘and ‘I won’t fit in‘.
I am just thinking, what has made herself to think like this? While think about this, I understand that mistake is mine and We, Parents. We need to accept the fact. Today, our kids are not dependent on us the way, we were on our parents. Whatever our kids want, we have provided it as much as possible without showing our efforts in it. We have provided quality education, television, computers, internet, toys, games, vacations, movies, entertainment, dining out etc. We prepared them to receive all the information, knowledge, details to receive for them in touch of their thumb. So they don’t require our advice, help and information. We practiced them to be busy with what they have and they don’t need us to entertain them.
I think we need to remember all the time that we would never been an outsider in our children’s heart and we should not lose our self-worth based on the situations. Most of the time, it’s our children who are going through their own phase of self-doubts, confusion, realizations. In the process, they hit back their anger and confusions on the only person they are closest to. I think they need to be left alone, have their own experiences, get hurt and learn. But the thing is that we should need to think about their control unknowingly to them. Once the storm has settled down, they themselves realize that what their mother means is in their best interest.
Secondary, why I should involve in all her activities to give solutions to her problem? Let her face the problem individually. I know about my daughter. She will not travel in wrong route. I have done a very good basement to take wise self-decision. Why I need to get frustrate on this and lose my sleep? I think, today most children’s are connected more with a calm mother than the mother who is willing to help as a friend.
Finally, there is a thin line between being supportive and being intrusive. We should be as a instructive and we should be as a supportive to come out of their problems when they have taken wrong route. We should not concentrate on creating a comfort zone for the children; instead we need to give them our confidence. They, themselves will learn to learn to handle their own issues confidently. Finally understand your children and give them confidence. They will never select wrong route.